In Defense of the Band

Yesterday, in a rare (these last few months at least) lull at the office I found myself scanning the message boards on MSN, and bumped into a post from someone looking for input on the lapband. She was the usual sort just seeking general advice.

In my enthusiasm for the product which has changed my life, I made the tragic, naive mistake of responding in earnest to her query, and the result was a two hour debate with uneducated, anti-bariatrics, likely-slender jeebs which left my blood pressure on high alert.

I despise debating, arguing, and to some lengths even discussing the band with those who don't have it, haven't done the hours and hours of research that I have, and yet remain staunchly opposed to bariatric surgery in general, and more particularly label the band the "easy" way out. I am not foolish enough to believe that I will change anyone's convictions on the subject and moreso find it an exercise in futility engaging in raucous debate with those who will never know what it's like to be in the situation of needing this particular tool.

Yesterday though, I took the bait, and lashed away at myself for it in the end- closing the window after a final post and promising not to return to engage myself further.

"ARGGGGHHHHHHHHH," I screamed at myself (quietly and inside my head).

In some manner of speaking, I feel this should go without saying, but since I have devoted an entire post to the subject, I am going to say my peace once more- both for those that are interested in getting the band, and for those that may read this blog thinking it is the worst thing in the world (other than RnY).

The band is NOT easy. Nothing about it is easy. The simplest part is the two hours in surgery, and you are not even the one doing that part. For months leading up to the surgery, you will face a mountain of psychological self-doubt, feelings of failure, acceptance, defeat, fear....you name it. You will put your body through the rigors of countless exams by strange and probing fingers, echo-cardiograms, blood draws, lung capacity machines, sleep apnea procedures, and the worst- manometry- a thick tube down your nose and into your esophagus for the better part of a half hour while forced to sip water at various intervals. You may fight tooth and nail with an insurance company with the supreme power to issue you one devastating word- DENIED. You will work with a dietician- just as you SHOULD if you were doing it the "hard" way, learning about proper portions and calories, fat, and carbs. You will learn to read labels if you can't already. You will have to start exercising and maintain it...just as you would if you were doing it the "hard" way. You will undertake the most grueling "diet" of your life pre-op, taking in only clear liquids and protein shakes leading up to surgery to make your liver optimal. You will be expected to lose some weight before they will put you under the knife.

Post-op, if you are unfortunate like me, you will face some of the worst physical pain you have ever felt in your life. You will not be able to wipe your own ass for a day or two and you will feel like crying every time you try to bend over to pick up something you dropped. You will invariably develop "dropsies" syndrome during this time and drop EVERYTHING. You will STILL feel hungry. For three weeks, or a month, you will not be able to eat normal food. You will continue subsisting on protein shakes, and chicken broth, and mashed potatos. You will have incredible gas pains. You may be terribly constipated. You could develop infections, or other post-op complications.

Once that's over- the real fun begins. You will have to go back to the gym. You will grit your teeth and get back to work. You will re-learn how to eat normal food while your stomach heals. You will have scars where there were none before. If you are wise- you will consider them badges of courage. You will continue to be hungry until you are blessed with your fills.

After your fills- you will kiss goodbye FOREVER some of your favorite foods, the things that brought you comfort when you were lonely, sick, feeling miserable. You will not be able to get that wonderful "stuff your face" feeling as before. You will struggle internally for months until you find a way to work around your brain's desire to eat, and eat, and eat and eat. You will throw up if you try to eat to fast, or try to eat things that your band will not accept.

You may feel a lack of energy, or downright faint on days that you just aren't able to get that caloric quantity that your body needs. Your hair will fall out. Maybe just a little...maybe a lot. You may have to buy a wig and develop a tough exterior. Your skin will start to sag in areas that the fat held it up before. You may have fill after fill after fill and still not feel "tight." You may feel worse when you look in the mirror than you did when you were a size 18, 20, 22, etc...etc...etc..

You will have to continue going to the gym, making proper choices with your food when you eat out, and you may have to hide it all from the people you care most about in the world because they WILL judge you, no matter what.

YOU WILL HAVE TO BE STRONG.

NOTHING about the band is easy.

If you get through all of this, and don't defeat the band, you will also lose weight. You will gain a confidence you may have never had before. You will see your clothes start to fall off of you. You will cry the first time you step into a regular clothing store and not only are treated well, but the clothes fit you in the dressing room. You will feel energized. You will watch the numbers on your scale drop to those you may not have seen in years. People will treat you differently. Sex will be better. You won't shirk from mirrors or cameras anymore. You will be proud of yourself, and the work you have done.

The rewards are too numerous to recount, and they are different for everyone.

So please- to everyone and anyone out there- do not try tell me that the band is the easy way. You have no idea what you're talking about.