I saw the surgeon on Friday for my big three week check-in. A little less than three weeks from now and I'll have my first fill. I've got to say, I can't wait. The hunger is obviously back, and I've been testing the waters for over a week now on different types of food-all with great sucess. I'm back to being able to eat what I want, just in far smaller quantities. I'm not sure if it's truly a good sign or bad that I haven't had a problem with anything.
Restriction is a funny thing. It feels like nausea and fullness for me after about a cup and a half or less of food, to the extent where I feel sick like I would have after a binge. Anyway, back to the fill. I'm a little nervous about a long needle getting stuck into my belly to fill me up with saline, but being the baby that I am, I've requested some lidocaine when the time comes, and I'm sure that will help along with maybe some valium. We'll see. If I can manage blood draws these days without tranquilizers I'm going to try and manage the fills that way.
So, after my appointment, I strolled around 34th and tried on dresses and fun stuff at GAP, Banana Republic and Ann Taylor. It's not that I've lost so much weight that I was grazing around the size 4/6 section, but the usual sizes fit so much better, looser than before surgery. That little bit of weight actually made a difference, and I managed some 14's at Banana without stuffing myself into them. What was equally, or ok, perhaps more encouraging is that I walked out without buying a thing, and I didn't feel even a twinge of guilt or sadness about it. The adrenaline high I got from trying pretty things on without wanting to rip out my credit card was exhilerating. (Though I will admit, I am still coveting that Kate Spade messenger bag I've wanted for a few weeks- I just can't fathom another $250 for a bag right now when I've got probably 15 or 20 bags at home)
I think I'm most excited about being able to exercise in another few days. I was really surprised when the doctor said I could return to the gym after week four, instead of week six like I was expecting. As far as replacement compulsions go, one could do a lot worse than the gym, so I'm hoping motivation and lots of workouts replace the food.
I'm healing well...things are improving little by little. My only real fear at the moment is potential hair loss. My hair is fine and I don't have a ton of it as it is, so the thought of it coming out in clumps is terrifying. I've read on the message boards that this tends to happen to some anywhere from 4 to 6 months out. They don't know why exactly, but it has some correlation with metabolism shift and zinc levels. My hair is finally starting to grow out again. It's down to my shoulders now. The thought of having to wear a wig, or cover my head with a scarf and have people who don't know about the surgery thinking I'm a cancer patient or something is mortifying to say the least. The doctor said not to worry about more supplements for now, but I can't help obsessing a little.
Enough obsession for now though...more later.
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