So this is me. Nine days out. Progress is being made here. A week ago....hell, three days ago I still felt on the verge of death. Pain in the port site, nausea, the weak and dizzies, and I won't get into the bathroom here. I was and have been sitting far left of regretland, wondering what I did to myself. I even went out and bought that "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" just to read all the reassuring things I could read for free on the internet- that it was ok to still feel shitty a week out when some were doing laps at the mall feeling fabulous; that the nausea was still present for some, that some needed three weeks out of work when I had been expecting three days tops, and I would finish somewhere around 7. Speaking of which, I go back Monday.
In part I'm gleeful. A week at home post-op is no perfect vacay. You feel miserable, sick, tired, and very, very alone. The phone's no good because you don't have the energy to speak to anyone for more than a few minutes and there's definitely no energy for entertaining guests. That leaves family, and with mine a state or so away, it was go-it-alone time. In that manner I'll be glad to get back to the desk. I'll be glad to see my colleagues and fall into the work rhythm and listen to the usual work-time fracas from my friends there. I will be glad to be sitting at a desk when I get tired at 2pm and want nothing more than to nap.
It will be scary too though. Only one really knows what I went in for. A few others know I had "surgery" but not what kind. I don't know what to say to the questions, especially when the weight starts to come off. I don't want to be deceptive, worse, let some think I have some secret I'm holding on to, but moreso I don't want the questions, the assumptions, the judgments that come when people know weight loss surgery is involved. I'm really feeling Star's predicament about now.
The point of writing now though, is that I'm feeling BETTER! I feel like me again. I don't feel like I'll fall over if I'm standing for more than 40 seconds. I did laundry today. I did dishes. I went outside, sat in the sun and read Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck, and other thoughts on being a woman." Fabulous read by the way. She's writing from the perspective of a sixty-something woman but not only are there relatable things for twenty-verging on thirty-somethings, but wisdom as well. Little part and parcel tidbits to look out for. Good stuff.
In any case, I feel good. The energy is not all the way there yet, but the nausea has lifted long enough for me to get in some protein shakes in. The mornings are still tough. At night I can turn on either side now and stay there a while instead of being stuck on my back for 8-10 hours. When I first wake up though, that's when the port site is most sore, when it's hardest to move, and the stomach feels the most topsy-turvy; but it's improving. I haven't needed the liqud Tylenol more than once a day, and at that it's only been once in three days.
So wish me luck that it keeps going in this direction and I'll be back with updates soon.
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